I've Moved

If there's anyone out there who still reads my blog, this is a little announcement to let you know that I've been corrupted by tumblr. You've probably noticed that I haven't posted anything recently, and that's because tumblr has taken over my life. :/

This was a wonderful place for me to vent and for me to try to stay positive, but right now I don't need it anymore. Who knows? When school starts back up, I may come back to this blog, but for now I'm just not using it.

So, if you're interested in finding me on tumblr, my main blog is: http://tiredphotolizard.tumblr.com/
I also have an art side blog: http://thecartoonstruggle.tumblr.com/
And a place for me that is more anonymous, where I post letters to things/ people that I'm thinking about: http://dearw0rld.tumblr.com/

Thank you so much for sticking around. I may or may not be back, but feel free to come visit me on the dark side (tumblr).

A Short Story

Trigger Warning: self harm

It had been two months since the girl had started self harm. It was an unusual time to start. There was nothing particularly horrible happening in her life, besides the everyday dread of interacting with people who made her want to cry. She had been depressed since around the time that her first boyfriend broke up with her, three months earlier, but had recently started to reconnect with her friends. It was an unusual time for her to start scratching herself, but that didn't stop it from happening.

She started one evening when she was almost in tears. There was no particular reason for her to cry, she was just mad at all of the misfortune that the world sent her way. She saw the sharp edge of the tweezers in the bathroom cabinet and before she could think she had fierce red lines covering her left wrist. The brief sharp pain from scratching herself had given the girl control over a small amount of hurt. The lines left by the tweezers were pretty. Unique. It was body art.

The lines had mostly faded by the next morning, but the white marks left behind were enough to provide a sense of calm, a sense of specialness, a way to not break down when the girl learned that she failed her math test.

The next evening the girl scratched again. But this time she dug deeper. There was no blood, but the indent was significant. She scratched her upper forearm so that her sleeves would cover the marks left behind the next morning. She wanted this to be her secret. Her special mark. Somehow, she knew that she would feel shame if anyone else knew of her evening routine.

The girl continued scratching herself every evening after brushing her teeth. She always scratched in the same place, and the scar left behind took longer to fade each time.

One month ago the girl met a boy. He treated her with respect and seemed to value her. She had not felt this special since her ex had broken up with her. One date went well between them, and she slowly found happiness again. Spring came, and with it, this boy stole her heart. Well, stole as much as can be stolen by a near stranger. The girl no longer needed to self harm to control her pain, and she discovered makeup as a way to create body art. Scratching became less and less common.

Now, the girl is being asked to tell a secret by this boy. She knows that he has darker secrets than her own and would  be understanding, but she is still too ashamed to tell of her self harm. Here is somebody who actually wants to know her, but she is too scared to let him in. Her secret pushes the source of her healing away.

All the girl had to do was lift her sleeve. Instead, the two never spoke again.

Hail Storm

Wow! Yesterday we had a hail storm and it was scary! The hail was the size of pennies and it was windy and thundering. My dad had to go rescue our ducks and bring them inside. Afterwards, the streets were all flooded, and even this morning there was still hail frozen in some corners outside.
Sorry I didn't get any pictures while it was hailing, but here's the aftermath:

Random David Bowie Chalk Physics

Just some random thoughts because I am a random person. Plus, it will help you know me better.

I am horrible with earbuds. Seriously, I’ve broken more pairs of earbuds than most people have ever owned.

There are these plants called air plants that don’t need any care except for an occasional drop of water and a sunny place. I can’t care for plants, but I love plants, and these seem like the perfect solution for my dilemma.

Ban and Jerry’s is a really cool company. I’m doing a research project on them for German and they’re super socially and environmentally contentious.

I have so many photography ideas and I can’t wait until summer so that making my sister model doesn’t get in the way of her homework. I also really really really want to go to the foothills and just take a sleeping bag and hang out for a night on some boulder with my friends or somebody and take pictures of the night sky.

I don’t understand over-protective parents.

I am going to fail my physics AP.

Why do we have to take classes that we know we will never use the knowledge and that we don’t enjoy when we could be taking something else that we will use or enjoy?

I wish I were braver so that I could participate in activities that I am very interested in, even when I don’t know anybody/am pretty sure the people who do it don’t like me.

I have a huge crush on this girl and there’s no way it’ll ever work out.

I also went on a maybe date last weekend with a guy who’s in the play with me and it was fun.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night, and when I wake up on weekend nights I like to get up and wander the house for a bit (I haven’t gotten the courage to go outside yet because I’m afraid I’ll wake my parents when I open the door).

Nobody who I know in real life knows that I have a blog. I like that.

My family has a party lamp that is covered in beads and tinsel and ornaments. It was a Christmas decoration that has become a part of the landscape.

Baby ducks grow up so quickly.

If you call me fat, I will give you an overcooked watermelon.

I feel done with high school, but I still have over a year left.

I finally understand the whole David Bowie fandom. My friend insisted that we watch Labyrinth and he was gorgeous so I looked up his music and it’s perfect and I understand everything now.

I cringe so much when I remember anything that happened in the past, especially when it involves feelings/ allowing myself to recognize my feelings or tell others my feelings. How much am I going to cringe when rereading old posts in the future? I mean, I’ve already deleted a few.

Creating chalk art makes me happy. Except when people smudge it. That’s really mean. Don’t smudge chalk art.

I like bananas. 

Stresssss

Agggggg I am so stressed. There is way too much happening now. I'm taking the ACT Saturday (I hate the concepts of standardized tests) and then I have the SAT subject tests just 2 weeks after that and there are APs to prepare for and finals and essays and tests and since I'm so stressed I've just given up on all of it. Wow. That was a huge run on sentence. Plus, my AP teachers have not done as good of a job as my AP teacher last year, so I feel completely unprepared (I know it's also my fault because I haven't been doing as much as I could be). Anyway, that's why I haven't been blogging. But it's not like I actually do anything more productive, so while I'm procrastinating, I might as well be doing something cool like blogging, right? I always just do the bare minimum (or less) of homework for the next day and leave all of the rest of it for weekends, but then I get stressed because I can't do anything with my friends because I have too much homework.

 Also, I'm in a play! Which is totally fun! I have a super minor role which is good because it gives me more time to do homework and such, but I still have a speaking part so it's exciting! And I get to interact with people who I really want to be friends with, which comes at a perfect time because I am loosing most of the rest of my friendships. :/

I also learned yesterday that women do not have equal rights under the constitution as men. I am honestly shocked that people wouldn't support equal rights, regardless of sex. Even some women don't support it. The arguments against it are: no more single sex bathrooms or schools, the draft, and getting rid of traditional female roles in the home. Like, gah people are stupid. What do you guys think of this? Is this common in countries other than the US?

OK, thanks for reading my word spew.

I'm A City Girl

Well. DC was amazing. I learned that I LOVE the city. Like, everything. I also fell in love with public transportation. Like, we were able to get anywhere by the metro or a bus or walking easily. Where I live, that is not possible at all. We went sight seeing and toured a few colleges, which really helped cement the idea that I'm going to college in a year and a half. I can't wait. Like, I am so ready to go live alone.

This is going to sound a bit weird, but while we were in DC, I saw a woman hail a taxi for the first time. It was really cool to watch. Like, before this trip, I've seen about 20 taxis total and it was just kinda empowering to see somebody take advantage of a taxi and make it stop for her. I dunno. I told you it would sound weird.

Ok. Here are some pictures from our trip:
Sorry none of the photos are edited... I don't have any good editing software on my laptop.

ze metro

sooo many pillars

national cemetary

just some cool rocks

sister imitating a bear sloth thing

library of congress

we don't have squirrels where i live, ok?

the capitol was under reconstrutcion

our only family portrait

WHAT IS UH TITLE?

Hallo there. I is Luna, Emmas Cat. Shee calls me a fish, but I know I is a Cat.  Emma are on vacation, so I decides to bee a helpful Cat and writes this post fur her. Sorry my English are not guud, I is never formally trained, I just listen to the people talk. Do you have any idea how hard it are to types with no fingers? Jeez how are people do this? Anyway, Emma LEFT ME WHOOPS CAPSLOCK IS on… So Emma lefts me here with thee other Cat. Ew. Thee other Cat are very mean. Shee cames to live with us a few years after I lives here and shee think shee own the whole huse. Shee is mean and growls at mee even tho this are MY huse since I are here first. Lets see now… my hobbees: I likes to sleep and rolls in thee dirt and then sleep on Emmas bed and eat. My favorite food are Emmas breakfast ceral with melk. Why is there red lines on the screen? They is squiggly and under wurds. Huh. The computedr must bee broken. Okee, I haves done my gud deed fur the week. Now I cans ask Emma for extraz food when she is get home. If youse peoples like me I can mehbe take Emmas computedr when she are at schuul and wrote mure blogs fur you peeps. Do naht worrie I do naht eats peeps. They is too hard to catches. Cat out.