I am a contradiction.

I am a contradiction.

By society’s standards, everything about me is a contradiction. The idea that I am a contradiction is a contradiction.

I am a girl who sometimes likes other girls.

I am feminist, but I don’t get offended that words like “pussy” are insults.

I am a nerd, but I don’t like Dungeons and Dragons or video games or math or programming.

For the past three years, I have the best grades in science, but science is my least favorite subject.

I love art but can’t draw without a teacher helping me.

My favorite type of music is country, but I don’t believe in God or beer or trucks.

My Pandora shuffle is a mix of country, rap, and 90s rock, but as I am writing this, I am listening to Call Me Maybe.

I want to be independent, but I need the love of others so much.

I’m over my ex, but I still cry about him at night.

I’ve cried because I don’t have things I need to fit in with a cowboy crowd, but when I spend time with this same cowboy crowd, I purposefully dress like a city girl.

I always act happy, but a lot of the time I am about to cry.

I don’t cry, ever, except when no one can see me.

I am shy, but I love to perform in plays or give speeches. But I hate to give speeches for people I know.

I giggle, but my laugh is harsh.

I love to dance in crowds, but being in a crowd stresses me out.

Seeing people in love makes me so happy, but seeing people in love makes me sad and mad.

I am always cold except when everyone around me is cold.

I want people to ask how I am, but when they do, I lie.

I really want to just go to college already, but I really don’t want to go to college.

I love animals but would never want to be a vet.

I want flawless skin, but I love the stories that my scars tell.

I love my boobs, but I wear clothes that de-emphasize them.

I love my long hair but want to shave half of it off, and I love that my hair is red but want to dye it all bright purple.

I don’t like to draw attention, but my favorite pants are a pair of bright blue high-waisted shorts.

I am a ginger that has a soul.

Do these contradictions make me human? Or do they mean that I have a broader insight? Or are they as crazy-weird as I think they are?

All I really know is that these contradictions added together mean that I don’t really know where I fit in. Does anyone else feel like this? Anyways, sorry for the angsty-ness of this post, hopefully you at least learned something about me.