I've Moved

If there's anyone out there who still reads my blog, this is a little announcement to let you know that I've been corrupted by tumblr. You've probably noticed that I haven't posted anything recently, and that's because tumblr has taken over my life. :/

This was a wonderful place for me to vent and for me to try to stay positive, but right now I don't need it anymore. Who knows? When school starts back up, I may come back to this blog, but for now I'm just not using it.

So, if you're interested in finding me on tumblr, my main blog is: http://tiredphotolizard.tumblr.com/
I also have an art side blog: http://thecartoonstruggle.tumblr.com/
And a place for me that is more anonymous, where I post letters to things/ people that I'm thinking about: http://dearw0rld.tumblr.com/

Thank you so much for sticking around. I may or may not be back, but feel free to come visit me on the dark side (tumblr).

A Short Story

Trigger Warning: self harm

It had been two months since the girl had started self harm. It was an unusual time to start. There was nothing particularly horrible happening in her life, besides the everyday dread of interacting with people who made her want to cry. She had been depressed since around the time that her first boyfriend broke up with her, three months earlier, but had recently started to reconnect with her friends. It was an unusual time for her to start scratching herself, but that didn't stop it from happening.

She started one evening when she was almost in tears. There was no particular reason for her to cry, she was just mad at all of the misfortune that the world sent her way. She saw the sharp edge of the tweezers in the bathroom cabinet and before she could think she had fierce red lines covering her left wrist. The brief sharp pain from scratching herself had given the girl control over a small amount of hurt. The lines left by the tweezers were pretty. Unique. It was body art.

The lines had mostly faded by the next morning, but the white marks left behind were enough to provide a sense of calm, a sense of specialness, a way to not break down when the girl learned that she failed her math test.

The next evening the girl scratched again. But this time she dug deeper. There was no blood, but the indent was significant. She scratched her upper forearm so that her sleeves would cover the marks left behind the next morning. She wanted this to be her secret. Her special mark. Somehow, she knew that she would feel shame if anyone else knew of her evening routine.

The girl continued scratching herself every evening after brushing her teeth. She always scratched in the same place, and the scar left behind took longer to fade each time.

One month ago the girl met a boy. He treated her with respect and seemed to value her. She had not felt this special since her ex had broken up with her. One date went well between them, and she slowly found happiness again. Spring came, and with it, this boy stole her heart. Well, stole as much as can be stolen by a near stranger. The girl no longer needed to self harm to control her pain, and she discovered makeup as a way to create body art. Scratching became less and less common.

Now, the girl is being asked to tell a secret by this boy. She knows that he has darker secrets than her own and would  be understanding, but she is still too ashamed to tell of her self harm. Here is somebody who actually wants to know her, but she is too scared to let him in. Her secret pushes the source of her healing away.

All the girl had to do was lift her sleeve. Instead, the two never spoke again.

Hail Storm

Wow! Yesterday we had a hail storm and it was scary! The hail was the size of pennies and it was windy and thundering. My dad had to go rescue our ducks and bring them inside. Afterwards, the streets were all flooded, and even this morning there was still hail frozen in some corners outside.
Sorry I didn't get any pictures while it was hailing, but here's the aftermath:

Random David Bowie Chalk Physics

Just some random thoughts because I am a random person. Plus, it will help you know me better.

I am horrible with earbuds. Seriously, I’ve broken more pairs of earbuds than most people have ever owned.

There are these plants called air plants that don’t need any care except for an occasional drop of water and a sunny place. I can’t care for plants, but I love plants, and these seem like the perfect solution for my dilemma.

Ban and Jerry’s is a really cool company. I’m doing a research project on them for German and they’re super socially and environmentally contentious.

I have so many photography ideas and I can’t wait until summer so that making my sister model doesn’t get in the way of her homework. I also really really really want to go to the foothills and just take a sleeping bag and hang out for a night on some boulder with my friends or somebody and take pictures of the night sky.

I don’t understand over-protective parents.

I am going to fail my physics AP.

Why do we have to take classes that we know we will never use the knowledge and that we don’t enjoy when we could be taking something else that we will use or enjoy?

I wish I were braver so that I could participate in activities that I am very interested in, even when I don’t know anybody/am pretty sure the people who do it don’t like me.

I have a huge crush on this girl and there’s no way it’ll ever work out.

I also went on a maybe date last weekend with a guy who’s in the play with me and it was fun.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night, and when I wake up on weekend nights I like to get up and wander the house for a bit (I haven’t gotten the courage to go outside yet because I’m afraid I’ll wake my parents when I open the door).

Nobody who I know in real life knows that I have a blog. I like that.

My family has a party lamp that is covered in beads and tinsel and ornaments. It was a Christmas decoration that has become a part of the landscape.

Baby ducks grow up so quickly.

If you call me fat, I will give you an overcooked watermelon.

I feel done with high school, but I still have over a year left.

I finally understand the whole David Bowie fandom. My friend insisted that we watch Labyrinth and he was gorgeous so I looked up his music and it’s perfect and I understand everything now.

I cringe so much when I remember anything that happened in the past, especially when it involves feelings/ allowing myself to recognize my feelings or tell others my feelings. How much am I going to cringe when rereading old posts in the future? I mean, I’ve already deleted a few.

Creating chalk art makes me happy. Except when people smudge it. That’s really mean. Don’t smudge chalk art.

I like bananas. 

Stresssss

Agggggg I am so stressed. There is way too much happening now. I'm taking the ACT Saturday (I hate the concepts of standardized tests) and then I have the SAT subject tests just 2 weeks after that and there are APs to prepare for and finals and essays and tests and since I'm so stressed I've just given up on all of it. Wow. That was a huge run on sentence. Plus, my AP teachers have not done as good of a job as my AP teacher last year, so I feel completely unprepared (I know it's also my fault because I haven't been doing as much as I could be). Anyway, that's why I haven't been blogging. But it's not like I actually do anything more productive, so while I'm procrastinating, I might as well be doing something cool like blogging, right? I always just do the bare minimum (or less) of homework for the next day and leave all of the rest of it for weekends, but then I get stressed because I can't do anything with my friends because I have too much homework.

 Also, I'm in a play! Which is totally fun! I have a super minor role which is good because it gives me more time to do homework and such, but I still have a speaking part so it's exciting! And I get to interact with people who I really want to be friends with, which comes at a perfect time because I am loosing most of the rest of my friendships. :/

I also learned yesterday that women do not have equal rights under the constitution as men. I am honestly shocked that people wouldn't support equal rights, regardless of sex. Even some women don't support it. The arguments against it are: no more single sex bathrooms or schools, the draft, and getting rid of traditional female roles in the home. Like, gah people are stupid. What do you guys think of this? Is this common in countries other than the US?

OK, thanks for reading my word spew.

I'm A City Girl

Well. DC was amazing. I learned that I LOVE the city. Like, everything. I also fell in love with public transportation. Like, we were able to get anywhere by the metro or a bus or walking easily. Where I live, that is not possible at all. We went sight seeing and toured a few colleges, which really helped cement the idea that I'm going to college in a year and a half. I can't wait. Like, I am so ready to go live alone.

This is going to sound a bit weird, but while we were in DC, I saw a woman hail a taxi for the first time. It was really cool to watch. Like, before this trip, I've seen about 20 taxis total and it was just kinda empowering to see somebody take advantage of a taxi and make it stop for her. I dunno. I told you it would sound weird.

Ok. Here are some pictures from our trip:
Sorry none of the photos are edited... I don't have any good editing software on my laptop.

ze metro

sooo many pillars

national cemetary

just some cool rocks

sister imitating a bear sloth thing

library of congress

we don't have squirrels where i live, ok?

the capitol was under reconstrutcion

our only family portrait

WHAT IS UH TITLE?

Hallo there. I is Luna, Emmas Cat. Shee calls me a fish, but I know I is a Cat.  Emma are on vacation, so I decides to bee a helpful Cat and writes this post fur her. Sorry my English are not guud, I is never formally trained, I just listen to the people talk. Do you have any idea how hard it are to types with no fingers? Jeez how are people do this? Anyway, Emma LEFT ME WHOOPS CAPSLOCK IS on… So Emma lefts me here with thee other Cat. Ew. Thee other Cat are very mean. Shee cames to live with us a few years after I lives here and shee think shee own the whole huse. Shee is mean and growls at mee even tho this are MY huse since I are here first. Lets see now… my hobbees: I likes to sleep and rolls in thee dirt and then sleep on Emmas bed and eat. My favorite food are Emmas breakfast ceral with melk. Why is there red lines on the screen? They is squiggly and under wurds. Huh. The computedr must bee broken. Okee, I haves done my gud deed fur the week. Now I cans ask Emma for extraz food when she is get home. If youse peoples like me I can mehbe take Emmas computedr when she are at schuul and wrote mure blogs fur you peeps. Do naht worrie I do naht eats peeps. They is too hard to catches. Cat out.

I'm Sorry! But Now I'm Back

I know, its been forever. Good thing I don’t have any readers anxiously waiting for my posts. I just haven’t felt inspired to write or do art or really do anything that I could share on my blog. I haven’t even been inspired to bake. It’s been a listless month. Even my grades are slipping. Now look at me, I’m using this post to complain to you. That’s why I didn’t write a post in the past few weeks. I knew it would be all sad and mopey. Ok, so a quick update on my life (I’m only sharing the happy parts).

I’m applying for a summer apprenticeship where I would be paid to help make a ceramic mosaic for a public building in my city. (I don’t know if I’ll get this, but I really want to)

Remember the scholastic art award I was talking about in this post? My chicken poster won a silver key nationally! That means I can maybe go to NYC for the awards ceremony (depending on if there’s enough tickets and how much it would cost). So I’m super excited for that.

I guess I have been creating a little bit. My friend and I have been anonymously making paper cranes and hanging them in a tree at school.The two of us have turned this speech by Neil Gaiman into our motto: make good art from bad things. I like making art that nobody knows was me.

We’re going to DC for spring break! My family hasn’t taken a vacation (excepting camping and family visits) for a reeeaaaally long time and I’ve never been anywhere further east than Texas. 

I’ll be volunteering at my library this summer. I haven’t volunteered there since I was 12 because I kept missing the deadlines, but I AM NOT missing the deadline this year.

I read this super awesome book of short stories yesterday that was very very open about lesbian, gay, and transsexual relationships (like that was the whole point of the book). So much feels from this book. Disclaimer: a few of the stories were very explicit. By the way, the book was called How Beautiful the Ordinary. 

I got bangs! It was kind of a compromise with myself to keep myself from shaving my head… But I really really like them. And I really really like that if I straighten them flat they start to cover my eyes. It makes me feel like I can actually hide from the world.

I went out to dinner the other night with my friends (?). I dunno if I’d still call them my friends… Anyway, it was amazing. It was the first time in a month or so that I really felt accepted by all of them and it was hilarious. There were lots of pepper antics. Like, involving pepper and water on the table and the pepper randomly appearing in piles. Yes, we're immature. 

Ok, that’s it. I’ll try to post more regularly. Look at the pretty art:

Science Funnies

First off, gaah have you guys played 1010!? It is taking away my life. People said it was addicting, and I installed it anyway. Guess who's paying? (Me).


Now, for the real blog part. My science teacher is hilarious. He's a short old man with a potbelly who has completely different political views from most of the students. But he is FUNNY. Since I am in a class with mostly seniors, and it is second semester and they are all just done, sometimes our class gets a little off track. Here are some things that he and other students have said:

"What would you call a giant electron riding a coulomb?"

Teacher: "Are you using your phone? Put it away."
Student: *looks down at phone he is typing on* *looks back at teacher* "No, I'm not using it"

"To see if you can find my pet spider that I haven't seen in a year. His name is spidey."

"Did you recycle your lemons?"



Sorry if those are mostly inside jokes, but I find them funny. Adios!

Pants Painting

This is just a really quick post to show you some pants that I made.

I started with old, holey pants and acrylic and fabric paints.

Then I painted! Here is my finished product:

When I wore them the next day, I only got two comments: "your pants are fabulous", and "can you make me some?" The second comment was probably sarcastic, but at least people noticed.

Have you altered any old clothing to make something new and exciting? I'd love ideas!

Liebster Award

Wow! I am so honored that Ana nominated me for the Liebster award! My blog is still really new, and this just makes me so happy. Thank you so much!

So, for those of you who don’t know, the Liebster award is an award to help smaller blogs get readerships and to help us get to know each other better. The rules are:

• Thank the person who nominated you and link their blog
• Nominate bloggers that have less than 200 followers
• Link these blogs in your post and notify the all of the bloggers that you nominate
• Create 11 new questions for your nominees to answer

So these are the answers to the questions that Ana left for me:

1.       What concerts have you been to? Um…none. Well, unless you count these concerts that the Albuquerque Zoo hosts each Friday night in the summer. I’ve been going to them for as long as I can remember. It’s a nice night of burritos and obscure bands and chasing peacocks around the zoo. Actually, I discovered my first favorite band (when I was in elementary school) from these concerts.

2.       Name five things you like about yourself. My hair, my daring (in fashion), my sarcasm, my ability to listen to others, and my public speaking skills.

3.       What country do you want to visit the most? Everywhere. Can I say that? No? Fine… then I’m going to just have to go with anywhere that my family or friends want to go with me.

4.       What is your favorite album? Right now it’s Jon Bellion’s Translations through Speakers. Listen to it. 

5.       Name your top three favorite movies. I’m going to go with the three movies that I was obsessed with when I was younger since I haven’t seen any movies recently that were Just So Wonderful. So: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Swiss Family Robinson, and Grease.

6.       What is the longest you’ve gone without sleeping? 18 hours? Definitely not over 24 hours. Sorry, I don’t have any cool sleep deprivation stories.

7.       Would you have a DJ or a band at your wedding? If I could get a band that I loved, then I would have a band, but otherwise a DJ. That way they can play pop songs and party songs.

8.       What was the last book you read and liked? Th1rteen R3asons Why by Jay Asher.

9.       What is your favorite kind of weather? I’m like Goldilocks: it can’t be too warm or too cold. I like big thunderstorms and grey days, but it has to be warm.

10.   If you could dye your hair, what color would you dye it? Bright purple.

11.   How did you come up with the title of your blog? I was trying to be creative. Huh. The fact that the word “creative” is in the title is kinda the opposite of creative. Whoops.

The blogs that I’m nominating are:

burnt orange peel

Irrationale

Nurinek

Strong Punch

thatcrazygiraffe

melodyfairitale

Thank you guys so much for your wonderful posts and inspiration.

Here are my questions:

1.       What is the creepiest thing that ever happened to you?

2.       What is the best advice that you learned from one of your parents?

3.       What accomplishment are you the most proud of?

4.       What is the weirdest dream that you can remember?

5.       Do you have any nicknames? If so, what are they?

6.       Listen to the sounds around you. What can you hear?

7.       What is the book that you would give the best recommendation for?

8.       What is your favorite thing in the world?

9.       Can you do any cool body tricks (lick your elbow, dislocate your shoulder, etc.)?

10.   What is your favorite animal that has two legs?

11.   What will you be doing tomorrow at 3:34pm?

Anyway, that's it. I can't wait to hear your replies.

I am a contradiction.

I am a contradiction.

By society’s standards, everything about me is a contradiction. The idea that I am a contradiction is a contradiction.

I am a girl who sometimes likes other girls.

I am feminist, but I don’t get offended that words like “pussy” are insults.

I am a nerd, but I don’t like Dungeons and Dragons or video games or math or programming.

For the past three years, I have the best grades in science, but science is my least favorite subject.

I love art but can’t draw without a teacher helping me.

My favorite type of music is country, but I don’t believe in God or beer or trucks.

My Pandora shuffle is a mix of country, rap, and 90s rock, but as I am writing this, I am listening to Call Me Maybe.

I want to be independent, but I need the love of others so much.

I’m over my ex, but I still cry about him at night.

I’ve cried because I don’t have things I need to fit in with a cowboy crowd, but when I spend time with this same cowboy crowd, I purposefully dress like a city girl.

I always act happy, but a lot of the time I am about to cry.

I don’t cry, ever, except when no one can see me.

I am shy, but I love to perform in plays or give speeches. But I hate to give speeches for people I know.

I giggle, but my laugh is harsh.

I love to dance in crowds, but being in a crowd stresses me out.

Seeing people in love makes me so happy, but seeing people in love makes me sad and mad.

I am always cold except when everyone around me is cold.

I want people to ask how I am, but when they do, I lie.

I really want to just go to college already, but I really don’t want to go to college.

I love animals but would never want to be a vet.

I want flawless skin, but I love the stories that my scars tell.

I love my boobs, but I wear clothes that de-emphasize them.

I love my long hair but want to shave half of it off, and I love that my hair is red but want to dye it all bright purple.

I don’t like to draw attention, but my favorite pants are a pair of bright blue high-waisted shorts.

I am a ginger that has a soul.

Do these contradictions make me human? Or do they mean that I have a broader insight? Or are they as crazy-weird as I think they are?

All I really know is that these contradictions added together mean that I don’t really know where I fit in. Does anyone else feel like this? Anyways, sorry for the angsty-ness of this post, hopefully you at least learned something about me.

I Wear Makeup to Rebel

I wear make up to rebel.

Wait, what? Is that even possible? Everybody wears makeup. It’s so mainstream. How is wearing it rebelling? Yes, I did just say that I wear makeup to rebel. And yes, it’s true. I am a redhead, and I have all of the vampire-esque features that go along with it: very pale skin, and, well, very pale skin. I also have blond eyebrows and eyelashes. This combination of features led me to fear makeup for the first 15 years of my existence.

Then, when I was 16 I finally asked my mom if I could get some BB cream. That was terrifying. My mom wears a liquid foundation and fills in her eyebrows and that’s it. My dad has always told me and my sister that makeup is ugly. So I did my research and decided that BB cream was a good first product because it’s so minimal. We went to Target and bought the first BB cream we could find. It’s probably a crap brand, but I didn't (and still don't) know better, and now I had my first makeup.

Fast forward 6 months and I wear dark (considering my pale-ness) eye makeup. Now, I will not sacrifice my sleep to wear makeup, so I usually only wear makeup a few times a week, and I like that. I don’t want people to cringe when they see my real face, and I don’t want to hide behind products. However, I also really like wearing something bold on my eyes. I love to wear my black mascara, and I wear it heavily. I also like filling in my eyebrows so that they are actually visible. I even like playing with eyeliner.

Now, this probably doesn't sound very dramatic, but it feels intense to me since I am still new to this whole slathering stuff on my face and on the hairs on my face. I like how my eyelashes are visible when they are black, and how I can show expressions better when my eyebrows are filled in. But most of all, I like how the darkness feels bold.

The first time I wore mascara, my dad asked if I was wearing “eyelash stuff”. When I said yes, he made a noise of disapproval. Wearing makeup is a way for me to show that I don’t care what my parents think about my style. I probably don’t apply it well since I've never been taught how to put on makeup, but wearing it anyway is a way to rebel against other students’ expectations. I was afraid of makeup for so long because I thought it would look foreign, but now I am so happy that I have finally taken the leap into the world of makeup and the exotic look that comes from wearing it is what I like the best. 

Fashion Blog?

So this wasn't orginally going to be a fashion blog... but here I am... posting pictures of me wearing outfits that (I think) are cute.  This isn't going to be my Main Thing, but it's gonna be a thing. I've been very inspired by other bloggers who post pictures of what they wear, and I've decided to do the same. The thing is, I don't really have one unique style, you know? I just wear what I want when I want to. And I decided that if I like the way something looks I would take a picture of it to show to you at the end of each week. So here goes:


I wore this last Saturday when I was really into the layered look.

Yes, I do know it is winter time. Yes, I do know that that means it's cold outside. So what? I wanted to wear shorts.




















I really like the flash from this one. Also, my unicorn shirt. My sister knows me so well.




















Sorry for the bad quality of the photos, that's what happens when I use my phone to take them. Also, yes there is a flash in front of my face, and yes that is on purpose. Deal. I was sick this week so I just wore comfy clothes a lot so that's why there are only three outfits. Well that, and the fact that I don't have a full length mirror and two of my outfits wouldn't have looked good without seeing the whole thing.

What's your favorite look?

My Work is Going to Be Exhibited!

This year I submitted two digital design pieces to the Schoolastic Art and Writing Awards here in New Mexico. And I did really well!

I submitted two pieces and both will be exhibited at a show that is opening this Friday. My first piece (my favorite because it is meaningful to me since I love chickens) got a gold key, which means that it will also be a part of the national competition. I actually made this piece last year in my photo-digital design class.

My second piece won a silver key. I made this by scanning pepper in the shapes of letters then arranging them in an InDesign document.

Click here if you want to see the other gold key winners. There's some pretty awesome art to look at. And let me know if you have any suggestions for my art. 

Turn Your Day Around

Yesterday sucked. So did today, until 7th period. However, I don't want to dwell on the sucky-ness. Days that suck happen (now more often than they used to);they're just a part of life. Something else that really should become a part of life is making these sucky days into good, or even great, ones. And I've figured out how. At least, how for me. Be with people that make you laugh. I have friends, who I love, but recently, even they can't make me laugh. So today during 7th period I hung out with someone different. I found this girl (she was called Annie in my first post, so I'll keep with that pseudonym) and we just talked and laughed all during 7th period. Then 8th period happened (yay for double frees!) and I stayed with her instead of finding my other friends and we met up with some of her friends and I really just had a great time. We built two snowmans and we erased dirt off of the bottom of shoes and I laughed more than I had for a while. And it was wonderful. I'm always scared of branching out and meeting new people, but that's what I needed today. There's lesson learned.

On another note: my family has a tradition of going out for ice cream if my sister and I get good grades on our report cards (never haven't), so last night we branched out a bit and went to an italien gelatto place. It was sooo good, and way creamier than ice cream. So there's that.

And tomorrow's Winter Ball, so I'm really looking forward to all of the awkwardness that will come from that (sarcasm here people). (I'm sarcastic a lot). (I also use parenthesis a lot). (Like, way too much). (Like, this needs to stop now). (Ok, for real: now).

Film Photo Collection

These photos don't really have anything in common except that they're all from last year and they're all film. I printed them in a darkroom but then did some touch ups digitally.

Go For It

There's thing thing that happens to me that I think is fairly common. I meet a new person or see someone and instantly become obsessed. Now, I'm not talking about an "oh my god I want to be your girlfriend" type of obsessed, instead, it's more like "Dude. Let's be friends. I need to be your friend right now. You are so awesome and so let's be besties."

I've started calling this phenomenon a friend-crush.

Recently, I had an opportunity to do a design workshop at school, and since none of my close friends were attending I was pretty nervous about the social aspect of it. Then I arrived and there was a girl, let's call her Annie, who I had secretly had one of these friend-crushes on for a while. We were acquaintances, but not really friends, and I just thought she was So Awesome. She could draw, write, act, play the ukulele, make videos, photograph, and just  about everything. As the hours past and we brainstormed ideas for our design projects, my friend-crush grew bigger and bigger. We were also starting to actually talk (weird thing here: if you talk to people it is easier to make friends). But then it was time to go. Usually when I meet someone awesome and we get along well at an event, we usually fall out of contact, even if I don't want us to, even if we see each other daily.

But then, Annie did something amazing. As we were waiting for my dad to pick me up, she said "I like you. We should be better friends." Whaaaat? She liked me? Those two sentences made me so happy that I completely opened up about my friend crush. It shouldn't have been such a big surprise to us that someone we connected with and shared so many passions with could have liked us too, but it was. Both of us were astounded but overjoyed at this discovery, so we exchanged phone numbers and stayed up texting until 10:30 that night (that's late for me). I had made a new friend, and all that it took was two sentences.

We are still friends, and now I have discovered a new way to make friends. I have promised myself that anytime I meet a totally awesome person, I'm going to steal Annie's lines and bluntly ask to be friends. I'm going to go for it, because what's the worst that could happen? A friendship might not bloom, but that's what would happen anyway if I just friend-crushed on someone from a distance for the rest of forever.